dopamine

I love Tabasco. I love how it tastes. I love how it burns. I love that it only has three ingredients.

I put Tabasco on everything. In soup, on rice, on eggs, in pasta, on salad, on french fries, burgers, hot dogs, Chinese, Mexican, Italian. Hell, if I could find the right flavor combination, I'd put it on ice cream. I don't just use a drop here and a drop there, either. I use tons of it. I use it the same way that people who love ketchup (never touch the stuff) use ketchup. I pour a little on my plate and dunk. I douse my food with it. The more of this stuff I can get in my mouth, the better it tastes.

On Saturday, Belinda and I went to brunch with her cousin Connie, Connie's husband Brett and Connie and Brett's baby Ursula. I got an omelet. Tabasco was on the table. Eggs and Tabasco are like peanut butter and chocolate, an inevitability. Needless to say, they made a comment about how much Tabasco I used.

On Friday, I went to lunch with my coworkers. I got a grilled chicken sandwich. Tabasco makes a crappy chicken sandwich worthwhile. Some wiseass coworker makes a comment on how I should take it intravenously. Fuck you!

It seems every time I go out to eat I get asked at least one of these questions, usually more:

Can you even taste your food anymore? Yes, I can taste just fine.
Doesn't it burn? No, it doesn't burn, it fucking tickles.
Are you sweating? Yes, I am sweating.
Can you pass the bottle of Tabasco? No, unless by "passing the bottle", you mean squirt some in your eyes.
I don't have Tabasco, I have some of this Louisiana hot sauce, will that do? No, it will not do. I asked you for FUCKING Tabasco. If I wanted Louisiana hot sauce, I'd have asked for Louisiana hot sauce, you stupid fucker.
The bottle is almost empty, did you use ALL that? YES, I fucking used all of that. It's not my fucking fault they put Tabasco is such stupidly small bottles!
Can I have a bite? Fuck you, no.

How is it that in the 21st century and I am still running across people who are amazed by people who eat spicy food?

I am not a freak.

Hasn't anyone ever heard of Mexico, South America, Africa, or the Indian Subcontinent? Are you all living under some fucking rock somewhere?